Missing Midwifery

I just managed to catch up with last night's "one born every minute" (OBEM) man that was hard to watch. It's odd that this program makes me miss so much and want so much. I loved being a midwife, I loved almost all aspects of the job, not quite all of it, but seriously who likes every single part of their job. You see scenes like the one featured in last nights program and they were probably the hardest aspects of the job. But when you can all band together and get a happy ending then you feel relief and empowerment. You helped that woman, you helped to save that baby.

 Last night on OBEM there was what I can only describe as the truest shoulder dystocia I have ever seen. I have seen a few in my time, and one was similar, but not identical to that featured on the channel four program, and it was awfully difficult to watch. It took me back, to standing an operating theatre, watching everything unfold, doing what you can and having only the smallest margin of time. When you are in that situation time has the ability to both stand still and shoot past simultaneously. You are watching the clock and trying your best, doing everything you can. You are calling other doctors, getting new equipment, setting up transport incubators, calling for as much help as you can, the more hands the better. There is a routine that is worked through in order of the least to the most invasive procedure. The further down the list you get, the more desperate the situation feels. First they attempt the McRobert's manoeuvre, this involves laying the woman flat on her back and bringing her knees up to her chest to the point that her ankles can almost touch her ears. This widens the pelvis and flattens the spine and in all but two of the shoulder dystocia deliveries I witnessed this worked. It didn't for this poor woman in last nights episode. They then tried the next two manoeuvre's to no avail and finally succeeded in delivering the posterior shoulder first by manually pulling out the arm. Strangely enough the delievery that I witnessed that was most similar to this one (although not quite as extreme) was also a large baby (which they often are in this situation) delivered via forceps. In my opinion (might I stress here that I don't work as a midwife and my training stops at the basic midwifery level, the people making these decisions are doctors with a great deal more experience) if you think you have a large baby that isn't delivering vaginally don't try it, just do a section.But then again I have probably witnessed forceps deliveries of other large babies but they didn't stick in my mind.

Programs like OBEM and "call the midwife" make me miss it so much. Being there in that moment when a new life enters the world is the most amazing feeling and you are so privileged to be a part of it. Sure I have been sworn at, swung at and had various different things thrown at me but it's always worth it! O well, just another thing this crappy disease has taken from me. At least I have my little girl now and she is a super star.

Speaking of, the other thing that this type of program makes me want is another baby. Strange, that. I cannot tell you how much I hated being pregnant. I was ill the whole time and both my M.E and FM were worse throughout the whole thing. I had many complications that resulted in a bleed in theatre but Niamh is more worth it than anything ever could be and I would go through it ten times worse just to have her. I have always said that I don't want Niamh to be alone. I want a brother or sister for her I just don't want to have to be pregnant again! I will do it though, so she doesn't have to be alone. Programs like OBEM remind me what you get at the end, the tiny cute-ness of it all. Niamh is still beautiful, wonderful, cute and so, so funny but I think the older they get the more you forget what having a newborn is like!

There's another program on the BBC called "protecting our children" and it remind's me of how much I DON'T miss being a social worker. Sure, you can go home at the end of the day knowing that you have done something good (most of the time) but almost everyday there is a lingering doubt. That child you are worried about but because you have to follow regulations, prove certain things you can't do anything for the moment. That niggling feeling that maybe you missed something, or even if you didn't what happens if something happens to that child within the next 24 hours, you will get the blame. The burden is too great, the stigma too much and try as you might you can never protect everyone. I liked knowing I was a advocate for someone who couldn't speak for or up for themselves. I liked knowing that I could help people and make a difference. There were clearly aspects of the job that made me proud, made be feel like I have done something right. But there were far too many I felt negatively about.

Anyway that's it for today!

Ciao!