I hate winter

I have hated winter for a long time, I have SAD's (seasonal affective disorder) so always get low, down and grumpy in the winter. Since having M.E I've hated it more as my immune system doesn't function like everyone else's and I catch everything going round normally more than once and a few times worse than the person who gave it to me! Not to mention being in the wheelchair is flipping freezing! Now I have Niamh, I don't think I could manage to hate it any more!

It seems that Niamh isn't the only child ill at the moment, it is everywhere! It's not the same thing either, nearly everyone I know who has children has a least one ill child. Niamh has a sickness, diarrhoea and ears, nose and throat bug and I've only managed to catch the ears, nose and throat part of it. But seriously over 90% of the parents on my facebook account are updating with issues because of sick little ones! It makes me sad.

I hate how I can't be the mum I want to be. I stand a fighting chance in almost every other season of the year, as long as I am not down and ill on top of my usual. Then I can care for Niamh in the way I want, play with her in the ways I want and keep the house in the state that I like. Winter just makes me moody and more exhausted than usual. Then the chances are Niamh will catch everything going round and I'm not going to keep her away from tumble tots or playgroup otherwise she will never have any social interaction with other children and she will never build up an immune system. The stress and worry of Niamh getting ill only makes my conditions worse. Even if she is not that ill, as a mother you still worry and that makes most of my M.E and fibro symptoms flare. Then you have to add in the case that I will more likely than not, catch whatever it is she has and become completely useless!

Then I have to rely on Chris and my family, and I am so lucky that they are so supportive of me and that Chris's work is so understanding of the situation. In the most recent bout of illness Chris has had to have two days off work because I couldn't manage by myself. Since then my dad has been round all day everyday (well at least whilst Chris is at work) and my parents have been taking my washing home to do (with Niamh leaking at both ends, it is a lot of washing!). I totally appreciate how wonderful they all are and everything they do for me but I want to be able to do it all myself. Guess that's never going to happen! At least it can be my family helping me not careers or someone I don't know. For that I am thankful.

But yeah, winter sucks. Roll on spring!